Applejack and the Honest-to-Goodness Switcheroo

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  For Dad, who taught me how to get my hooves dirty

  CHAPTER 1

  The Pie-Eatin’ Extravaganza

  “Thirty seconds left, y’all!” Applejack hollered into a yellow megaphone. “Better hurry up an’ eat yer treats while the goin’ is still good!” At the sound of her voice, the contestants of the pie-eating contest all pushed harder to finish their pies. Pinkie Pie squealed gleefully and shoved another piece into her mouth with ease. A few stray apple slices coated in cinnamon and sugar glaze slid down her pink muzzle. A glob of sauce dripped onto her bib, which read PIE IS My NAME. Next to her, little Scootaloo attempted in vain to munch on a second piece. She stopped mid-bite, held her tummy, and groaned. Minty and Lyra were in a similar state, only each halfway through a pie. But down at the end of the row, something interesting was happening.

  Applejack couldn’t believe her peepers. The clock had only twenty-five seconds left on it, but the most unlikely pony of all—well, technically he was a donkey—was in the lead to win the Seventh Annual Sweet Apple Acres Pie-Eatin’ Extravaganza! Cranky Doodle Donkey was not usually one for participating in events… or sports, or parties, or social engagements of any kind. He liked to spend his days inside his cottage on the outskirts of Ponyville, minding his own business. But something about eatin’ these pies must’ve cranked his gears, because there he was, shoveling them into his gob with the best of them.

  “You can do it, Lyra!” shouted Sweetie Drops from the audience. She waved a homemade flag sewn with a picture of Lyra’s cutie mark—a golden lyre. Lyra smiled and waved back, mouth full. The two ponies were best buddies.

  Next in line was Mayor Mare. She was usually one of the most proper ponies in town. She was an authority figure, so she liked to remain composed. But right now, she was attempting to hold her own against Cranky. Her approach was unique. She took methodical, dainty bites and wiped her mouth after each one. She kept saying things like “Oh my!” and “Delicious!” and “I couldn’t possibly!”

  The seconds ticked down on the timer. Everypony leaned in. It was now pretty much a race between Pinkie Pie, Mayor Mare, and Cranky Doodle Donkey. Minty, Lyra, and Scootaloo gave up and started cheering along with the crowd.

  “Ten! Nine! Eight!” the ponies shouted in unison. “Seven! Six! Five!” Applejack trotted over to the three finalists. Pinkie Pie stopped and let out a loud burp, then giggled. The race was now between Cranky and the mayor. “Four! Three! Two!” All of a sudden, Cranky grunted and swallowed two more pieces of pie.

  “And… ONE!” Applejack shouted. “Put the pies down, everypony! I’ll tally up the final score.”

  As Applejack surveyed the pie tins, she gave both Cranky and Mayor Mare an encouraging wink. Of all the ponies in Ponyville, she never thought it would be down to these two. She and her friends Princess Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity had all thought one of the big stallions in town would win. But Big McIntosh, Senior Mint, Overhaul, and Snowflake had all decided to sit it out this year to give somepony else a chance.

  “The winner of the Sweet Apple Acres Pie-Eatin’ Extravaganza is…” Applejack stepped forward on the wooden platform stage. “Cranky Doodle Donkey!” The crowd erupted in cheers, and Mayor Mare nodded in approval at her competition. Apple Bloom trotted over. She jumped up and placed a crown of paper apples on Cranky’s head. He responded to the filly with a tiny smile, then immediately reverted to his trademark frown. Applejack turned to the crowd and held the megaphone up to her mouth. “It sure was a close one, folks! Let’s give all our pie eaters a round o’ applause!”

  The ponies stomped their hooves on the dirt and cheered. Rainbow Dash whistled loudly. It’s real nice to see the underdog win, thought Applejack. Or, in this case, an underdonkey. Either way, the pie-eating contest was much more exciting than in previous years. Applejack couldn’t help but feel like it was one for the books.

  CHAPTER 2

  A Sweet Proposal

  “Is this over yet?” Cranky growled, ripping the crown off his prickly head. He was, after all, called “Cranky” for a reason. “I have things to do! I can’t just hang around all day, you know.”

  “Of course, champ.” Applejack smirked. She patted him on the back. “Great job today.” He grunted and looked at her hoof as if he couldn’t believe she’d touched him.

  Matilda, his lady love, walked up to greet them. “You won! I’m so proud,” she said with a smile. Applejack noticed a slight blush on Cranky’s face.

  “Enough already with the compliments! I just ate some pie,” he grumbled.

  “But you did it super awesomeriffically!” Pinkie called out as she bounded over. She was still wearing her bib. She didn’t look at all upset that she’d lost. “You should be proud of yourself, too!”

  “Way to go, Cranky!” said Twilight Sparkle as she, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash joined them. Applejack could sense how uncomfortable Cranky was getting.

  “All right, y’all. Give the champion his space.” She motioned for the ponies to step back. Cranky and Matilda nodded gratefully. As the two donkeys turned toward home, Applejack thought about how a pony never really knows what to expect from others. They sure could surprise ya!

  Applejack had learned an important lesson today. And she didn’t want to forget it. “Heya, Twilight,” Applejack said. “Who has our journal? I haven’t written an entry in a long time, but I think I got somethin’ to say about Cranky.”

  Recently, the six ponies had been so tied up with other activities that they hadn’t been writing in the journal they shared. Originally, they’d modeled it after the Journal of the Two Sisters that Princess Celestia and Princess Luna shared. But now it had become so much more than that to the friends. It was high time that one of them paid it a little attention. And that pony was going to be Applejack.

  “Great idea!” Twilight grinned. She was always trying to get the others to participate in recording their lessons. It was valuable information.

  “Oh, I have it back at the boutique, darling,” Rarity said. “I suppose the last thing I wrote about was my apprentice, Charity Sweetmint!”

  “Whoo-ee! That pony sure was a hoof-ful.” Applejack nodded, recalling how the young fashionista had tried to become just like Rarity. “But she sure meant well, of course.”

  “Of course she did!” Rarity nodded, and her perfectly coiffed purple mane swayed gently. “And you’ll all be thrilled to hear that she’s doing fabulous with her own line in Manehattan. She’s being featured as a ‘Designer to Watch’ in PegasUs Weekly!”

  “That’s great news! So I’ll come on by and grab the journal now, if that’s all right with you, Rarity,” Applejack said. “Just got to clean up this mess, and I’ll be right over.”

  “I’ll help!” Pinkie Pie squeaked. “By taking some of those scrum-dilly-umptious leftover pies off your hooves…” She patted her already bulging tummy. How she could eat any more pie after the contest was beyond Applejack. As Granny Smith would say, Pinkie Pie must have a “hollow hoof” where she was hiding all that food!

  “I think somepony already beat ya to it,” Appleja
ck said. She pointed to the table. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle were already “helping” by chowing down and making an even bigger mess. The six ponies all chuckled at the little fillies.

  “Excuse me, ladies. I don’t mean to interrupt,” said a beige-colored stallion with a light blue mane as he trotted up to the group. His cutie mark was a blue ribbon. A quick series of looks exchanged among the friends made it clear that nopony recognized him. “But are you Applejack of Sweet Apple Acres?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

  “Yep, that’s me.” Applejack tipped her hat. “Who might you be, and what can I do for ya?”

  “My name is Blue Ribbon. I run the Best of Equestria Awards,” said the stallion. He passed Applejack a business card. Sure as the sun sits in the sky, it said:

  Blue Ribbon

  Best of Equestria Awards

  Finding the Best Businesses in Equestria

  Since the First Summer Sun Celebration

  “I’m here to tell you that Sweet Apple Acres has been named as a finalist in our Best Orchard in Equestria contest! Congratulations.”

  “Really? Why that’s a humdinger!” Applejack exclaimed. “I mean, thank ya kindly, Mr. Ribbon.” She looked to her friends, who had all started whispering excitedly to one another. “Is there anything I need to do for ya?”

  “Not too much…” Blue Ribbon smiled. He flipped open a folder filled with forms. He scanned the page with his hoof and jotted down some notes. “We’ll come by the farm on Friday to check out the place. If the harvest numbers you’ve reported to the Equestria Farmers’ Almanac are correct, you’ve got nothing to worry about. That’s some apple yield! I’ve never seen anything like it in all my years.”

  “Well, we do try our best over at Sweet Apple Acres.” Applejack tried to recall the numbers they’d reported to the almanac, but she couldn’t for some reason. Maybe Granny Smith had submitted the paperwork this year. Surely, it would all be just fine. Applejack tipped her hat at Blue Ribbon. “We’ll be ready, sir.”

  “I hope so,” Blue Ribbon said, putting his hoof on her shoulder. “The winner of the award will be named the official, exclusive apple supplier for Canterlot Castle.”

  “How divine!” Rarity gasped. “Does it include VIP access to all the events? For Applejack and her friends?”

  “To the Wonderbolts Derby?!” said Rainbow Dash. “Because that’s the only one I really care about.”

  Applejack shot her friends a look to shush them, but Rarity had a dreamy look in her eyes and Rainbow Dash had already stopped paying attention.

  “There will be lots of special perks,” Blue Ribbon said. “Front-row seats at the Equestria Rodeo definitely. Tickets to the Hearth’s Warming Eve Annual Ball. Oh, and one grand prize that is sure to delight any farmpony.…”

  “That all sounds real nice, Mr. Ribbon,” Applejack replied. “But we Apples don’t need any prizes—”

  “What about a brand-new plot of land to expand your farming empire?” Blue Ribbon smirked.

  Applejack’s jaw dropped in surprise. Now that really was a prize worth winnin’! She tried to hide her elation.

  “See you on Friday, Applejack.” Blue Ribbon turned on his hoof and began to walk away. He looked over his shoulder and called out, “And as we say at Best of Equestria: ‘best’ of luck!”

  If Applejack had anything to say about it, she wouldn’t need a smidgen of luck. Just good old-fashioned hard work.

  “Hey, Applejack,” said Twilight Sparkle. “How about the five of us help you out this applebuck season?”

  CHAPTER 3

  The Big Announcement

  Applejack scribbled in the journal and dotted the end of her sentence with a satisfied period. The entry was about Cranky Doodle Donkey, the pie-eating contest, and how you never really know what to expect of ponies (or donkeys). She was glad she’d asked Cranky to participate in the contest, even though she had been sure he’d say no. Applejack scanned the entry:

  Today, I learned that sometimes even those friends with a hitch in their giddyup like Cranky Doodle Donkey like to be included from time to time. And you never know—they might just take the whole darn tootin’ cake! (Or pie.)

  Applejack thought her hoofwriting looked a little like chicken scratch, but all in all it wasn’t bad. She felt a wave of satisfaction wash over her. The feeling was almost as good as when she sat down to dinner each night after a long, strenuous day of applebucking. Even though it wasn’t relevant, she decided to add a little more because she was so excited:

  After the contest, there was one more big surprise! Sweet Apple Acres is up for an award for Best Orchard in Equestria. It’s mighty excitin’, and my friends and I plan to get the farm ready together. They each volunteered to help me for a day this week. Now all that’s left is to tell the rest of the Apple family at supper. Well, that and all the hard work!

  “Applejack!” a voice called from the other room.

  Applejack slammed the journal shut and hollered, “I’m comin’, Granny!”

  On her way out the door, Applejack grabbed her brown cowgirl hat from its peg by the door and threw it atop her head. She never liked to go anywhere without it—even if it was just to another room in the house. There were extras in the hats-and-bows closet, but this one was the best. It was perfectly broken in.

  Applejack trotted down the hallway, following the scent of something delicious. Sure enough, her nose led her straight to the kitchen. Granny Smith stood in front of the stove, stirring a big, bubbling pot of food.

  “Were you busy, sugarcube?” Granny Smith asked without turning around. “I just thought you wouldn’t mind helping yer old granny set the table fer dinner.”

  “Of course I don’t mind!” Applejack replied. She crossed over to the cabinet and started pulling down some bright green dishes. The smell from the pot wafted over. She inhaled deeply. “What’re we havin’? My tummy is rumbling just from the yummy smell.”

  “Your favorite carrot stew.” Granny nodded with a knowing smile. “I figured you could use a hearty meal after all the work you put in today with the contest. I sure hope ya can find some time to rest this week.”

  “I doubt it!” Applejack said as she carried the dishes and napkins over to the table. She was starting to get real excited to tell her family about the award.

  Applejack imagined the big blue ribbon they’d get to hang on the Sweet Apple Acres sign. It would look so fittin’! She kept on daydreaming as she set the four place settings—one for each member of the Apple family.

  They always sat in the same spots. Applejack and Big Mac sat on the far ends with Granny and Apple Bloom across from each other in the middle. That little filly loved to have her granny right there close to her to cut her veggies. It started out that way when Apple Bloom was just knee-high to a pig’s eye.

  “Say, I don’t suppose you know where my sister and brother are, do ya?” Applejack peered out the front window. She just saw the normal view of the farmyard—rolling green hills, a white picket fence, and… no Apple Bloom or Big Mac in sight. She bit her lip in concern.

  “You never know with those young’uns,” Granny said. She stirred the stew. “But this here stew is definitely half past ready for servin’!” Applejack’s stomach gave another loud rumble. “I’m sure they’ll be along in a minute or two, honeycrisp. You should sit down and eat while the gettin’s good.” Granny carried the pot over to the table and placed it on an apple-shaped trivet. She took a ladle, scooped some of the orange-colored broth into a bowl, and tried to pass it to Applejack. Tantalizing, fragrant swirls of steam billowed up.

  Applejack shook her head in protest. “I’m mighty hungry, but I don’t want to start eating without them.” It was a tradition for the Apple family to eat dinner together every night, and everypony knew that if there was one thing the Apples cared about it—it was tradition. Why, Sweet Apple Acres was practically built on it! That and a sturdy foundation of hoof-chopped lumber, of course. “We’ll wait,” said Applejack, taking her seat at th
e wooden farm table. “Let’s just chat for a bit until they get on home.”

  “Whatever you say!” Granny raised her hooves in the air to surrender. Her knitted pot holders were apple-shaped, too. “Applejack, you sure can be more stubborn than an old cow on a new harness,” Granny said, taking a seat. “So what were ya gettin’ up to when I called ya down?”

  Applejack smiled. She wanted to tell Granny about the award, but she knew the effect would be much better if she waited ’til the whole gang was there. “Well, I was writing in this journal that I have with my friends, see? I forgot how good it feels to put somethin’ down on paper.…”

  Twenty minutes later, the stew had gone completely cold. Applejack was annoyed at first, but now she was just plum worried. What if Apple Bloom had somehow fallen into a sinkhole and Big Mac was strugglin’ to rescue her all on his own? Or what if Big Mac had accidentally sniffed a giant funflower—the only plant he’s allergic to? Why, he could be swollen up like one of Pinkie Pie’s balloons! Or what if—

  “Sorry to interrupt yer deep ponderin’, dear, but I’m sure Apple Bloom and Big Mac are just fine! No falling into Froggy Bottom Bogg or the like,” Granny said.

  Applejack frowned and cocked her head to the side. She hadn’t even said any of that out loud. Granny was good. “Well, whatever it is, I hope there’s a good reason,” she said.

  CHAPTER 4

  A Chilly Stew Reception

  Applejack looked at her siblings sternly. She wasn’t about to let this sort of behavior slide. “Well? Tell me why y’all were so late to supper!” She walked around them like a royal guard drill sergeant. Big Mac shrugged. Apple Bloom looked down at the ground in shame. “I was worried sick about y’all!”